Last Week Stateside

My flagship blog post for this summer: hello, welcome! My name is Kelly Crewse, nice to meet ya. I'm a rising senior at Indiana University studying anthropology and educational studies with a focus on museum studies and bioanthropology. I'm an avid tv show fan (talk to me about Game of Thrones theories and you'll have my heart) and a distracted fiction writer. I'm an eternal optimist and friendly all around.

My whole life lately has been comprised of lists. Lists of things I need to pack, lists of errands I need to run, lists of doctors I need to see before I leave. I feel like I have lists of lists I need to make. I'm drowning in bullet points but I can't help but be distracted from these pre-departure lists. Instead, I'm making lists of places I'm dying to see in Paris, foods I've been waiting to try in Rome, and wines I've only dreamed about in Madrid. My mind is in the clouds (as I soon will be!), but I have no hopes of coming down. 

My excitement/nervousness levels flip flop nearly every day. One day I'll be so excited to leave, packing and ticking boxes in order to get one little step closer to departure, but the next day I could be unpacking and unmotivated to get my things done, anxious to leave the safety net of my little Midwestern home town. Some days it's hard to tell if I'm nervous or excited, all I know is that there are butterflies in my stomach and a fluttering in my heart. Some days are better than others, but the hurdle of anxiety still exists. I've been abroad once, about three years ago with my family. It was amazing, and I felt safe and secure walking the streets of a foreign city with my parents by my side and the assurance that we were moving through language barriers and culture shock together. Now that I'm going alone, I'm going to be losing the crutch of familiarity and experiencing new things by myself. I know I'll grow from this independence, but it's hard to look at such a feat without feeling some sort of unease. It's totally normal to be afraid, but the important part is what I do with that fear. I'm going to brace myself for new experiences in independence, and I cannot wait to see how it shapes me and how I grow this summer.

I also know my independence this summer comes with a big, fat asterisk. I'll be in a program with other people who are leaving their safety nets just like I am and traveling with advisors and professors who are there to help every step of the way. Independence is a good thing to have, but working with the people I'll be with is an entirely new experience all on its own. For now, I'll work step by step, list by list in order to get closer to departure. Keeping my anxieties in check and my dreams in place, I'm so thankful and so appreciative for this opportunity to travel to these beautiful, historic cities this summer.