Fleeting Moments

As the leaves turn the shades of fire and sunlight in the Northern Hemisphere, the trees surrounding me here in the Southern Hemisphere have went from bare and brown, to green and lush in a matter of weeks. Over the past four and a half months, I have sat in this exact location, writing blogs, doing school work, calling loved ones, getting to know new friends, and staring out the window watching the progression of the trees outside. Again and again, I have found myself looking out at the trees and noticing the movement and progression of them; the movement and progression that has happened in only 4 short months. Sitting here right this very moment, I have exactly two weeks left to look out my window and observe the trees… but more importantly I only have two weeks left to bask in the independence and exploration that New Zealand has given me.

I have a hard time fathoming how in 14 short days I am going to be back to the things I have known far longer than I have known New Zealand. How do I go from this constant state of exploration and freedom to living my normal and sometimes lackluster life in Indiana? This has been a thought that has been on my mind quite frequently these past few days. As I have been getting my last trips and traveling in around New Zealand, I have felt this pang and pull of my heart. I am going to miss waking up every day being in the mountains or within an hour drive of them. I am going to miss the thrill I get when traveling and meeting strangers from all over the planet and the conversations that I am able to have with them. I am going to miss this experience; I am going to miss New Zealand.

Yet, over the past four months, I have missed my family, my cozy bedroom, my best friends, my cat, and what I have grown to love about Indiana over my life and college career. I have missed the way Bloomington’s rolling hills go on forever, the feel of sand beneath my toes when walking on Lake Michigan, laughing and joking with the ones I have grown to love and appreciate; I have missed these things the whole time I have been here, and I look forward to having them all back in my life.

With two weeks left, I have gotten to a point where I am both devastated and excited to leave. Devastated, because I am leaving the most beautiful and adventurous place I have been thus far in my life, but excited because New Zealand is exhausting and lonely at times. I have been in a constant state of movement and go go go over the last four months, and to be honest, I am incredibly excited to bask in the mundane and normalness that awaits me at home. I am excited to return home to simplicity. But this too will get old, and after I feel refreshed and revitalized, I know I will begin to crave the exploration and excitement I have felt during my time here.

So alas, here I am feeling conflicting feelings and thoughts, stuck in between wanting something I don’t have yet and knowing I will want something I no longer have once I have what I miss now. While I know I will miss the exploration and opportunities I have had during my time here, I have came to realize that there will always be adventure out there for me, whether that be exploring the Indiana forests on the weekends, traveling the U.S., or spending my spare money on plane tickets to far away countries. I have felt a growth in the desire for exploration within myself that I cannot wait to bring home with me. This growth will make sure that I don’t get too comfortable for long; it will enable me to move and explore whenever I am able. And while I am returning home with this newfound desire, I also know from my time here that I will never be able to go go go without taking a break to slow down and return to and appreciate the normalities that await me.

Sending love and light out,

Xx- Bella