Hailey’s Guide to Asking “What Happens When I Go Home?”

As my study abroad journey is coming to an end, I’ve started asking myself some honestly scary questions. No, not scary like horror. Scary like I don’t know the answers and I won’t until I get there!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I always want to be honest and up-front with my thoughts and what I’m dealing with here. And if I’m going to be honest, my anxiety has been so bad lately! Fortunately, I’ve learned some skills through therapy and getting to know myself better that help me figure out the source and how I can stop it. And one of those methods for me is writing it all down, so that’s part of what I’m doing here!

First, I know I’m not actually as worried about the “what ifs” as I think I am. I know part of it is the impending results of my LSAT. I took that here in Vienna and my results are coming in tomorrow so of course I’m worried about that! But while that’s going to be solved pretty soon, my questions will still remain.

Here’s some of the questions I keep asking myself and what I’ve been trying to remind myself:

• Is it bad that I want to go home?
  • NO! Absolutely not- you’ve been gone for three months and for someone who loves her home state, her family, and her college it’s completely normal to be ready to go back to it.
• Am I going to miss living in Vienna?
  • Yeah probably. While living in Europe has some weird differences to living in the USA, there have been some changes I’ve really enjoyed.
• Is it a mistake that I did this in my junior year so I only get one semester abroad?
  • Yes and no. I’m graduating a year early so I already have less college time than most people. Had I had another year I probably would have done more studying abroad!
• Would I have enjoyed living somewhere else more? Or studying with a different program?
  • Maybe! It’s hard to say because I haven’t lived anywhere else. I know there were a few cities I LOVED a few more I still want to see, and because of that it’s a very real possibility that I would have enjoyed a different place more. But that doesn’t mean I regret coming to Vienna, it doesn’t make me love the city any less. I know for a fact there are a few cities that I visited that I definitely would not have wanted to study in which is a reassurance.
• Am I going to fulfill all of those stereotypes about being annoying after you get back home?
  • God I hope not. But who knows? I’ll do my best to be conscious about what comments I make, but there’s bound to be something that slips out, I mean some things here really are just better. My favorite is how cheap but GOOD the wine is. You can’t beat these prices in the states!!
• What will my culture shocks be?
  • That one I really have no answer to. Will it be moving back to my smaller hometown? Not having public transport in the city my college is in and having to drive everywhere? Not being able to walk to the grocery store? Not speaking German in public? Not staring at interesting things (that’s an Austrian trait I picked up very easily because I liked it so much)? There’s really no way to know until it happens.
• And I going to forget all the German I learned here?
  • I hope not! I’m planning to take another German course this fall, and my Uncle still speaks a decent amount of German so I can always practice with him!
• Am I going to go back to being a “loud American”?
  • Nope! Americans really aren’t that loud. At least in comparison to Austrians. They're loud in public with their friends, have loud phone calls, etc. The only time I’ve noticed Americans being quite loud is when we’re all together in a group but that’s bound to happen no matter where the group is from! That’s a fake stereotype if I’ve ever seen one!
• Will I ever come back to Austria?
  • Another question I don’t know the answer to. There’s so many more places I want to see that it’ll probably be a while before I come back. But there’s still plenty of things in Vienna that I wasn’t able to do that are on my list.
• Will I want to?
  • Maybe! I’ll definitely take an Austria break when traveling for a while, I mean I did just spend three and a half months here!
• Did I prepare myself well for this trip?
  • I think as well as I could have. The hardest part for me was being incredibly lonely the first few weeks, but that’s not something I think anyone can prepare for.
• How have I changed and was it for the better?
  • I’ve changed so much I honestly can’t list everything out. And if it’s for the better or worse, only time will tell.
• When I travel with my parents after the trip, is it going to feel weird?
  • Probably! I haven’t seen them in so long, and we’re going to two places I’ve already been to so they won’t be new to me but they will be new to my parents! It’ll be a learning experience, but at the end of the day I’m just excited to see my family again.
• Will I ever live this far away from everyone I know again?
  • Probably not. I didn’t enjoy it, but I’m glad I came here, so that now I know that I only want to apply to law schools close to home! But there’s no telling what my future will hold. Job opportunities pop up, people move, and new people you can’t live without can be found.

Having one through all that, I can honestly say I feel so much better. For me it works to write out what I’m worried about. But I hope you know that you’re not alone in your worries. These aren’t even all the things I’ve asked myself/worried about. And if all else fails, watch Kung Fu Panda, listen to Master Oogway say ”Quit…Don’t quit… Noodles!” and just choose noodles.