Making Friends Abroad: A Guide for the Socially Anxious

Disclaimer: Everybody’s journey to forging meaningful relationships will look different. These happen to be my learnings! 

When I say I’m socially anxious, I don’t mean to say I have anxiety, but rather just persistent anxious thoughts when put in uncharted social situations. The night before IES Abroad Vienna officially began, I remained awake in bed running through every possible social scenario I’d have to encounter the following morning. From asking for directions to catching up with people from my home institution and meeting new ones, I knew I’d have to prepare myself for a long day of socializing. 

As a socially anxious extrovert (no, not an oxymoron), my excitement about making new friends is often accompanied by intrusive thoughts. Now that I’m one week into my program, I realize I might’ve been stressing myself out needlessly. Here are three reminders for anybody finding themselves in a similar situation: 

1.Everybody around you is feeling some degree of anxiety 

I’ve learned quickly while abroad that the people around me come from all different walks of life. They vary in educational backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses, hobbies and interests, and life aspirations. I’ve encountered people who have never left their hometown as well as those for whom travel is a lifestyle. Some claim to be studying abroad for academic pursuit while others want to find their independence. 

Regardless of such differences, it’s helpful to remember that everybody around you is “abroad.” In other words, everybody from your cohort is looking to find a home away from home by meeting new people, learning the ropes of a new culture, and adjusting to a different way of life. It is my understanding (from having had open conversations about such matters) that such milestones do not come without some degree of uneasiness. Once I realized how normal I was for having thoughts that initially felt so abnormal to me, I relaxed into it. Knowing that I wasn’t alone in my discomfort allowed me to welcome it with open arms.

2. Experiences tend to bond people

Orientation week is daunting (understatement). You look around and see students falling into cliques and friend groups before you’ve even had a chance to fully unpack your room. You may feel like everybody already knows each other and you’re somehow the odd one out. This is far from the truth. Orientation brings with it tons of opportunities to attend events or meals with others in your cohort. It’s also the best way to get acquainted with new people in a comfortable setting. Take advantage of the optional (or non-optional) activities being offered by your program and you’re sure to bump into friendly faces who might be on a similar quest to put themselves out there (wherever “there” may be). During my first week at IES Abroad Vienna, I got the chance to visit Prater Amusement Park with a group of students from my cohort and it took us the entirety of one day to go from strangers to friends. 

3. Be kind to yourself when you mess up (because you will)

More than once, you’ll find yourself saying the wrong thing at the wrong time (God knows I have). Sometimes you’ll babble and other times you’ll miss an opportunity to voice a thought. Sometimes it’ll cause you to lose out on a potential friendship and other times not. Either way, it doesn’t matter as much as you think it does at the moment. Be kind and patient with yourself as you navigate unknown environments and remember that socializing is a skill. Like all other skills, you might need research and practice and that’s okay! The sooner you can forgive yourself for making mistakes, the closer you are to getting it right. Finding the middle ground between being your authentic self and adapting to a certain social etiquette is key. As somebody who has had their fair share of trial and error in terms of mingling (for a lack of better words): trust the process.